Today I will share a story about my struggle in the past.
When I was 15, one private tuition teacher I hold dear most once told me that a relationship is not worth the fight, if it sacrifices the trust of whose I needed to be able to survive life. I think just like how in economics is explained, the opportunity costs of an action is large...firms or in this case I, need to prioritize. She taught me that the feeling of affection, desire that we feel strongly at one moment, could end in the short run..therefore the permanent lose of trust is not worth the temporary passion. She even brought with her some real-life examples to prove her point. And in the end, despite her influence and persuasion, I neglected her advice. Rebellion was my probably middle name (who knows if it still is) or at that time it was just me trying to take risks in my life.. high, uncountable ones.
"The reason so many people find it so hard to be happy, is that they will always see:
The past better than it was;
The present worse than it is;
and the future less resolved than it will be. "
-anonymous.
As I am sitting and typing this post in my dining table now, looking back to that day, if I am to say I didn't wish things were different, I lie. However, the only moment I am capable of controlling, is not ones back in the days but here in the present. If I were to live in deep regrets, some time in my life would have been wasted...unrepeatable moments, chances of something better would have been missed.. don't you agree? Therefore this logic is what have been keeping me going, surviving to this day.
Do you know the scary thing of having passed through an event in life that has played me emotionally...? Is that I no longer play in the game with as high bet as I did once before. Taking into accounts the potential damages that could reiterate, let alone the loss that could not be repaid.
Today, I stand back from the battlefield. I give ground.
Ever since the day it all ended, I swore I would be more open. To other chances, other opportunities that were knocking on my door but I missed out...and to seek the ones that are worth the pursue.
I personally say I have now travelled far...meeting wonderful people along the way, encountered remarkable stories of my kind. My mind and eyes are more opened..each day I become the wisest I could ever be.
So one question, if I could tell my previous self what to do, what would it be?
Lucky is I have gone through that essential phase in life. My advice won't be to my old self, but to my now self, is that to do what I have been doing: to be in the battlefield only if I think the sacrifices will be worth it, to pursue only if the circumstances. And how would I know that? When the moment comes, I believe I just know. At least I hope so.
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| New Zealand 2012 |
signing off,
thelittleteh x
