My forever and always, guardian angel.

Problems, incidents have come rushing since the last few months. Life-changing perceptions, views, motivations aren't easy to handle with when there aren't the loved ones to hold on to. True it is, family and friends are right within my arms length whenever I'm in trouble, or not.

Little did I know..little did everybody know, our family would come to grief and lost a family member, physically. Two months ago, exactly two months ago..was the last night I got to spend with my Grandma. Her soul had left this world the next morning..it's her body that remained still, lifeless. It was the first time ever.. EVER.. I prayed I was not in reality..that I was just in somewhere else, in my sleep. I couldn't believe this would finally happen..I would lose someone I love most, a family member, forever.

The person who was and still is hurt most, who couldn't help regretting and ignoring the reality up til now, will be my dearest father. He was not around during the last time of grandma's life, he was out of town for a few days. Never in my life I had seen my Dad in such sorrow.. feeling such agony. My dad was very, very, strong. Many times he pretended to remain calm, tried to move on, yet everybody knew, deep inside he was screaming out loud..hoping if by any chance, any chance he could at least say goodbye, he would exchange it to anything.

The following days were blurry..I couldn't recall much the happenings, the atmosphere that overwhelmed the whole family members, relatives, and friends. None of them believed my Grandma had passed away.. n o n e of them. She was clearly in the pink of health, with ability to shout, walk slowly, or even cook by herself. She wasn't showing any sign of sicknesses, or was in one, when she left. But then again, I'm grateful she left definitely in peace, considering how many times she had been hospitalized the past few months during the last time of her life.


The ritual of 49 days have passed.. yet each thing happened on that day remains fresh in my mind. Grandma had been such an angel during the time of her life..and I believe she is too, now. Thank you was never enough to express my gratitude, to have a wonderful, loving and caring person as you, Grandma, to have never stopped taking care of me any second of your life, to always have you as my guardian angel.


You may have physically gone for good, Grandma. But you will never truly leave me, or any of us, ever.
You will always be with us Grannie, a l w a y s ♥

some things are better left unspoken, no?

Who has the right to control your emotion? Your present feeling? No one, but you.

With regard to the previous post, I have had so much in my mind to think of. For the countless times, my mind and heart are fighting again to find out who's the winner for some moment. Yesterday my heart was the winner, today it still is. Ever since I failed to control over my own heart, I have attempted to support my mind to win this endless match. Sometimes I get sick and tired, and pause for a while. At this moment, my mind wins. But other times my heart would wake up and fight to find its mate. Yearning the times when it was pampered by his. True it is, it takes a short while to fall for love, and may take a lifetime to forget. Well, I don't really like this version of mine when it comes to talk about this particular matter. 'cause I'll become so fragile..so strength-less. But then again, I remind myself, everybody else has ever been in most conditions I felt, and they breezed through them..so why can't I?

Having asking the solution from a friend of mine, I feel like regaining back the strength. I had made myself clear today when I stated out some points that made me feel this way. Surprised as I was, they are not actually worth the pain. Re-reading what I typed to a friend this evening, I feel that all this time I am not in the side I think I am. Returning back to the right path is what I'm struggling right this moment.

Sorry to have been filling you with intangible writings recently. Many times when I feel sentimental I type so much trying to make things clearer but still confuses me anyway haha :p

Oh yes, about (hectic) school life, senior high students at Sutomo 1 (I'm not sure with junior high) will definitely be facing a stressful moment soon (geniuses excluded). First monthly exam of this semester is about to begin in...less than a week. The problem is, from next Monday until Wednesday we will be having holidays! yes it's a problem if I can't concentrate myself, which usually happens on holidays. :\ Gosh I REALLY NEED to do my best this time. Ain't gonna let regrets haunting me after results are out. This time should be reaaaaaaaaaal serious please Winny! For the future, FOR THE FUTURE! :X

A smile is a curved line that sets things straight. (:

Today was a very happy and special day..for me. Not because 5th August was a special day or whatsoever but maybe I shall add this date into my "Memorable Dates List" :)

First, I woke up very early in the morning (early I mean half past six :p) and successfully arrived school long enough before the bell rang. :)
Second, I did nothing special besides doing what I have been doing for the last one week..Maybe this only dearests and I know :)
Third, I spent many lessons not feeling very well because of the sweet dream I had last night. It was utterly sweet which was why it bothered the reality :\
Last but not least, my mood suddenly turned became a (very) ecstatic one because of that tiny..meaningful  thing :) That tiny thing successfully gives me a reason to smile till now and highlighted today! ♥

I honestly am not very aware of what I'm about to do or face. Everything just seems so..wonderful that I wouldn't want to miss a spec of second by having too much thought about it. Well, I know I should actually rethink of what has been happening to me lately. I can finally have the joy of the feeling I've been desperately missing all this time..and I'm back under a magic spell. Sad to say, I can never really feel the same anymore since my mind has taken half of the whole part. Well actually it is a good thing...for me, and my future. So yes, it's not fully sad :)

All I can hope is not to let it take control over me...not anymore. I've learned the lesson, gained the experience. I keep telling myself that every single thing I do now will affect not only my present, but mostly future. Again, all of these will worth it... I will make them do. Blessing, strength, and support..are the ones I need to have more right this moment ♥ :)

pictures of the day

the very pity three-legged doggy :/

  

flowers :D

Today was the selection of Sutomo Photography Class extracurricular. Since the registering students were too much, a selection was held. First the applicants had to answer the basic questions regarding photography for the theoretical test. And second, for the practical test, only those who were pointed did that to give examples for the whole crowd. I was one of them. Actually at first, the head of the committee chose randomly to take shots of the 'Converse shoe' pencil case. After that, he began to choose for the more professional (that's what he said), and I was the first to be pointed out. I probably know why he thought I was 'more professional'. He did mention something 'blog' so I guess he did read a post of me going to learn the basic photography skill. Gosh I was astonished, at first. Luckily, I took control of my nervousness and managed to produce a not-bad picture. Phewhh XO


All pictures taken at Jati Mas Housing Complex

The reasons behind blogging

I have so many happenings in my life to share with my blog. But first of all, in this post, I would like to re-talk about why I created this blog with this address years ago.
My name is Winny Teh. Since I don't really the way like my name appears on the blog address, I decided to translate my surname into 'tea' which means the same as 'teh' in Indonesian. So, it is practically not because I don't like my name..I ♥ my name, that I can assure you.

My first aim when creating this blog is to improve my English. But as time goes by, it has started to grow inside me, then I began to realize it has already become one of my most loyal sharing partners.
Most of the time, I blog when I feel very down or very up with my life. My blog is also my way of connecting with the world..although I admit, I don't have many readers, and I'm very fine with that.

 My friends had many times told me that I sometimes reveal too much of the private details about my life..the things that only my family and close friends should have known. Since I rarely type with names and precise details on, I think it's actually quite okay. Besides, I think people have their own business more important to mind than mine (:

I also would like to explain the reason why I rarely blog..although inside I'm screaming to post one entry each day. Many times when I feel unstable, I feel like needing someone to listen or to advise me. My blog is one of first things that would cross my mind. But then I would make up my mind because I know..once I've started typing, it is hard to stop. The thing is that I don't want too many people despite my closest ones to know too much important details I could state- moreover when I'm unstable-about me and my life. It's pointless, and could be harmful, I think.

Years ahead from now, I would love to reminisce all of the important blessings that have ever happened in my life-particularly school life. How I felt at the moment, what was my reaction, the people, everything! -this is also the aim of my blog.

Soo, I've already made things quite clear, haven't I? :)
This blog is never aiming to harm anybody, as it is only (as I've mentioned) my sharing partner. I write about the blissful and precious happenings in my life, the lessons learned, and everything important to me. So thank you for letting me share this diary of mine.. :)

I ♥ YOU..

Sometimes, after years of a thing once happened in your life, you will think you might have forgotten how exactly the thing feels or looks like..or that it will surely not affect you when you look at it now. I used to be one of the loyal believer..before I experienced it myself. Time heals, they say, but that doesn't really apply to me, I guess. Even though I have left out many of the tiny details, the used-to-be important ones have never left my mind. Not up til now.

I didn't realize those things I typed above before the last lesson of school today. When the Indonesian language teacher asked us to write a short story, the first thing that came across my mind was (always and have been) the happy memories. Ironic, I guess, considering how long had that event taken place. Moreover, series of events had passed by, and that was the first to come across as though it has been the greatest blessing ever happened up til now. Sad to say, it isn't easy for me to forget any of them. Because, time goes along with the memories..as if they had just currently happened to me.

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Last Saturday was my Granny's 84th Birthday ♥♥♥
Ever since I was a child, ever since I can remember, my granny was the one who practically did all of the taking-care. Her affection towards all of her grandchildren..her worries, and everything..was the way she loves us. Even though a cousin of mine had had 2 sons aged around 8 and 10, my granny still had not got over worrying him every day and night..let alone when my cousin is sick. My granny is the only person on earth with the kindness and love that has never faded with time. She prioritizes all of her children and grandchildren before herself. She's also the one all of the family members worry about most of the time, because of her weak body and over-worried habit. She's the role model of metta for me. I ♥ YOU Grandma.

 

now SHE, is the greatest blessing ever happened in my life..♥♥