will you will i will we

There will always be that time in life where nothing seems to fall into place. When nothing seems satisfying, or right to begin with. In my life this time happens occasionally, and it is now.

To me, strengths and weaknesses are part of a person, also form a person. So when I think I lose one of my greatest - or shall I say proudest - strength, I instantly feel crap. I would start thinking of how disappointing I will be to my proud mental and financial sponsors ( mom and dad and close friends), and the more I go into that the more I build the pressure...for myself.

During this point of time I usually will attempt to seek solutions if not from my own ideas, from those I think might be helpful. Once in a while, I try to simply let loose of control by underestimating the situation. Trying to zoom out from my position to find I am merely in a piece in the big puzzle. This rule would repeat itself at times of desperate moment and one kind listener is all I need as the catalyst to the healing.

However, this other thing bugging me is no-brainer. In the sense that logic can't stand alone, if to get rid of it. This is probably one of the reasons why some people, me including, are not a fan of associating feelings when mingling, and may seem more like defending, holding, inside. The fear of things not going to end in our favour is probably more like why. No solution yet, no idea how the path will look like. But I'll stay around the corner of the field, just in time when the game needs a little twist.

As for now, I aim to strive for excellence in kicking final's *ss! 

and as long as we keep believing, there is hope. xx

cheers,

littlemissteh

Still figuring it out.

Hello there!

How have you blogwalkers been doing?

Today I've decided to share the reasons behind blogging, and most of the random gloominess, rants....since I decide to take blogging more seriously :)

They say if you don't know who the writer is, you may not be bothered to read. And I'd like to be my honest self when writing..so I'm going to start by introducing the writer who's responsible for all the contents in this blog...me!

My name is Winny Teh - if you haven't already known. I'm currently pursuing my tertiary education in one of the best cities to live in (according to me) - Sydney, Australia. My first language is not English, but I'm very keen to learn to improve..so please bear with me :p

In terms of attitudes, I'm as stiff as my physical self. I take things very seriously sometimes hehehe.
I think I'm almost always either thinking or daydreaming! Before writing, I have been thinking how to write this post for quite some time :p

I tend to keep things to myself, but I've decided to loosen up a little since I realise I may be missing out a lot in life- particularly teenage life! :)

I think it has been my lifelong desire to not think about the reactions, responses I may get from doing this or that.. about what I expect others to do, and what they expect from me. Uhm to put it simple, I hope to be a more honest to myself, and to live the present to the most; carpe diem!

Next thing I'd like to share is what I'm always struggling with: being a part of the society. Although I'm very interested, I don't know what people think about me. I never do. Have people been keeping it to themselves, or am I the one being too insensitive to not realise anything? hehehe 

Maybe this explains my uncertain behaviour towards other people.. or why I almost always don't know what to do, what to focus on. 

My random and depressing blog posts are usually due to my outburst since I was not able to directly tell the target reader about what I really want to say.. or simply because I am dissatisfied about certain things and I really feel about saying it, but don't feel like talking to anyone. I feel sorry for those who happened to read my rants during those periods :S

At the moment, the reason that motivates me to blog is to share.. whether they are thoughts, ideas, moments, inspirations, or simply random happenings. I am inspired by many wonderful bloggers out there through their thoughts and writings. I'd like to do something with my blog too! :)

When I am asked about my dreams, what I want to become.. I don't know what to answer. It's not like I don't think about the future, I think it's more like I am not sure. Sometimes I think I'm as lost as Alice-when she first entered the wonderland- when it comes to answering those kinds of questions :b

I think that someday..maybe I'll know the answers to the hundreds of questions I have. Maybe I'll grow wiser and realise about more things. Or maybe I'll live life differently from the way I do now.

But right now, despite things I've come to understand about life, I'm still figuring it out. 

Much love, 

littleteh x

Everything has changed,

It's over. Finals is finally over. Can you believe that? Maybe you can, but I can't, yet.
Ran a movie marathon to spend this evening. I need some refreshment, some reality to kick me hard, this time to prove I'm not dreaming.
It's quite hard to believe it's finally happening.. one-third-of-a-year long of holidays. Do I really deserve this? I really hope so.

The last ten days have been my toughest edu life. In fact, I think the whole semester. I'm sure if you've been following my blog you'll know how frequently I've complained about uni life. Last ten days, though, were the hell-iest. You know that time when you were determined that giving up was not on the list, but there's merely a thin line that's separating you from it? There goes the worst moments. Like how I wish I could fast forward time, into like the one I am in now. Imagining myself writing this entry, elaborating into words how I exactly felt. It was sick.

I was warned, like I've always been, how the next stage of education life I was about to face is going to get more ugly. My sisters definitely knew it best. The start of my overseas education was remarkable though. The moment when I finally managed to tick that dream achievement off my list. Also, when I made some good friends along the journey that stay until today. However my life seems to take a turn with its new Audi and drove me somewhere- which now I recall- the infinity path. The name shall define it well.

They say during your toughest times you come to appreciate the happy ones. I don't know what will happen just yet, but I've decided to learn to make full use of each day that will be passing, for the rest of the holidays. The year 2012 is approaching an end too. Which means I'm going to survive another one, this time I can say hardly.

Closing off this blog post with the song from the adorable singer- yes imma Swiftie ;)

Give it my best

So I volunteered for selling merchandise on Pink Ribbon Day yesterday, and it was surprisingly fun!
Unlike Daffodil Day, this time I sold a lot more stuff! I think reason being could be due to the location I'm working at, and/or the popularity of the fundraising.

This got me thinking about the concepts I've been learning at school:

1. Even the two 'brand's in the same organisation, can have different reaction from the public. Do we call it in the commerce term..image branding? 
2. The location of the 'store' makes big difference! The first time I was volunteering at a landmark in Sydney: Darling Harbour, where tourists are relatively more compared to locals on the working hours. Tourists may also not be familiar with the event and refuse to contribute, and they might not care much since it is not for their home country..? I choose to believe more on the first reasoning. Darling Harbour is indeed close to some offices, but not as many as in the Town Hall Station, where people also get off and on trains every minute. Higher chances to meet citizens who are supportive towards the familiar fundraising event ;)
3. Customer service plays a role! The more we enjoy volunteering for this cause, the more we seem 'approachable'.This can be seen through the conversation among members, the 'welcoming' atmosphere among the staffs which show 'friendliness' to others. The smiles we give away whenever they buy (or even not buy something).. oh and the marketing strategy, like the presentation of the merchandises (ie. the 'catchy' colours)! : )
4. Since the 'staff members' in this case are those who volunteer.. they may show greater job and organisation commitment. Working for 5 hours with short (sometimes even no) break as well as no monetary reward..shows the employee engagement in the organisation ;) Of course we are allowed to take breaks as long as we want but since this working is individual consent.. we might feel a little guilty, no? :p

Sorry if I confuse you with some of the commerce terms x) I'm practising to apply the management knowledge (I'm about to be tested) in the recall of that experience.. hehehe

By the way, finals is approaching very very soon.. and I better be well prepared by the time it's here. Wish me the luck and motivation I can get to nail this big thing? It's probably the most important 'exam' I have still got to face before the end of year. All possible fingers crossed xxxx

Thought I might also share today's happenings and inspiration:

Reminder

One of the many food trucks in 'Movable Feast' even tonight!

Food truck's hunt. yummmm ;B

I find this lovely <#3

Until next time then! xoxo

Come back to life

My first semester attending University is nearing an end. Time is crazy fast when you are having fun and stuffs to do all the time. One down, another to go.. another down, other to go.. the list is never empty.

I have just enrolled the courses for next semester. All thanks to my Indo peers who have started discussing the timetable of the same course we all are taking: Macroeconomics 1. So basically we want to be enrolled in the same tutorial, so we could meet more often. Each one of us is now taking own direction..some are considering to take similar majors, others like me, are partially on my own.

Life is getting more interesting since uni started. Looking back, all the issues in both social and education life still intrigue me today. I may have improved my learning style in Foundation Studies months ago, but in Uni I come back to where I used to be.. the slacking, complaining, lack-of-motivation learning style. It takes me one semester to come to realisation how University is teaching the students.. how I should be learning. My sister keeps telling me " It's no longer foundation " whenever I complain of the lack of care my tutors have for their students. The reality just slapped me hard.. and I am still NOT in consciousness.

I hate the fact that I have been in lack of motivation these past couple of months. Each day that has passed I remind myself to spend time productively, yet I still prioritise anything else but my studies.. and the cycle is repeating. It aches me how I have failed to bring back my hibernating curiosity and the time that has been wasted for nothing.

However, I hope I learn through all these. There's nothing more valuable than the lessons coming after awful experience. I am crossing my fingers for a better day tomorrow. For the realisation of the beauty of working hard, for having motivations and goals, for the happy productive me. xxx

A post

Sometimes I wish.. I am not so sensitive. or moody. Not to be easily affected by actions from people I care, when they treat me less right, less kind.
Recently mood swings have been way up and next moment way down. There seems to be lesser and lesser reasons to have a steady mood. Either I'm not quite satisfied with the present, or I'm grateful.

Funny how humans seem to have no control over their own life. Anything could change any time. I hate it, truly. So sick of having to rely on someone else, be it family, or friends, to be the source of my own happiness. If something just goes wrong, the next thing I know I'd be blaming the nature of life again.

One of the reasons I've been blogging less lately is mainly because I don't want to blame or complain or bother to describe what I'm going through lately. To me, a post is a bit like an evaluation. If I happen to be going through hard times, a post could either relieve my burden or make it worse cause I should face the bitter truth. So yeah, let's call this a post.

Was

The fact that I'm quite over it already sometimes surprises myself.

This morning felt like a long morning. For a while some pieces I've left behind came again as if asking me to spare some room for them in my current life. All I asked was to let me move on with my life, why does it seem to be too much?

I believe things ended for a reason. And for me, that is to let me have another new beginning. Since I came here, I have decided to open myself to new opportunities, new possibilities, new friends, new experience, something different from my past. I don't deny the fact that the past is when I once felt the happiest I could ever be. It's just to now, those are the PAST. It is a beautiful place to visit, but I don't hope to stay there anymore, let alone re-live it. It may be easier for me since I've actually lived 4000 miles apart from the places and people that may remind me of the past. But it's not a reason for you to not let go.

Wrong perception it is, if it's saying I've moved on from the life in my hometown. I still talk to my close friends there, I still have my favorite food there, and occasionally, I miss the atmosphere. I simply decided to let go of the things which used to fill a huge part of my life. To no longer take heed of the things which used to affect me so much. To close my heart for the old things, and open for other new ones. In short, to m o v e o n.

I hope this is enough to clarify all the thoughts wondered. Never do I intend to hurt anyone who was important to me. What I'm doing is just letting life flows. I have no idea what the future is going to be, thus I can only do my best for now.

Cheers,

disentangling thoughts

Hello. This is gonna be a random post.
I've been listening to Christina perri's songs lately: Jar of Hearts and A thousand Years. Jar of Hearts reminded me of that time in my life, when the exact situation in the song, happened to me. But instead of a refusal, I gave a yes in response. A second chance.

I was grateful, during the journey, that I believed in second chances. The process was beautiful, every day was a fairy tale, only 'happily ever after' was not yet achieved. It's like the 'A thousand Years'. Until I was willing to give a LDR a try. But I failed, before the song even ends.


I am hoping there is gonna be a third song. I wanna know, I am curious about the
truth: Is this the end already? No I am not wishing for a next episode, I just want certainty. I hate having false hopes, like I have just had. Cause in the end, the truth always left me speechless.

I don't know what's wrong in me. Or is it really me?
I hate the fact that I feel into the deep hole with someone, but in the end I have to climb out of it myself. I'm not regretting though, cause I know I'll learn from it.

I am not in a state of confusion, nor in the brink of doubts. Sometimes I just need to describe my thoughts into words. No answer needed, no replies necessary. Only now, my thoughts have come crystal clearer. This post has helped me through understanding.

End of story.

If I

I've been abandoning my blog for weeks. It's September...already. I'm creeping inside, nervous and anxiety overwhelm me every time I think about leaving. I've been distracting myself from that thought, and delay packing. It's no good. but I simply wish I could lie to reality... Why am I this scared of leaving hometown for a while? I've been saying the reason is not being able to see my loved ones every time I feel like. Maybe it's true.. But to think about it now, absence makes the heart grows fonder, no? Maybe I just fear they won't miss me so much like I will..or even..forget about me. Being 4286 miles apart from them definitely will feel like in hell at times. Longing for them yet can't reach them. Don't you think so?

But if I ponder a bit longer, I'll return to the starting point. Why am I going to leave? To pursue my studies. I don't know I've ever mentioned this or not, but studying overseas has been my dream for ages. Living 8 hours flight away from my parents, loved ones, and having no helpers like housemaid or driver at all....are the price I have to pay during the time. But I know, on the other side, living this way could make me grow up. At least more mature. It's gonna be worth it..and with the title and degree I'll achieve. I hope studying in Sydney will be an eye-opener as well as me answering the golden opportunity. I shall nail everything. Sadhu3x

Signed,

WinnyTeh.

Happy

I'm happy. Not because bad things have stayed away from me, but more to because I've managed to overcome them. Me and my dad are talking now. No more the 'no hiu' (hokkien) behavior to one another. Problems not particularly solved but I guess Dad's just no longer finding being mad at me for such a long time a good solution. He probably gave up because I made effort to show I'm not a helpless, home girl.

Exactly one more month from today, I'll be heading to my sisters. Going to live with them again after years of not living together under one roof for more than 3 months. I actually quite doubtful with that idea. Don't judge, not because I don't like them (I love them!), but more to I'll need to adjust with their way of living there.First and foremost I'm going to serve myself. Doing the laundry, washing the dishes..no more 'Kak Atik' whenever I want. T----T Secondly no more driver! Wanna go somewhere near? Walk! Somewhere far? Take the bus! Or even worse, there can't be any last-minute wake up because you might not know if you'd miss the bus! hmm..are you saying about taking a cab? It'll cost you a damn fortune, trust me.

Of course the worst part of all is I'll be faaaaaaar away from all my loved ones in Medan. When you miss seeing your parents, curious of what they've been up to, you can only meet them through the flat screen. When you miss your best friends, and boyfriend? Sigh, no solution t___t

But I can't be more wanting to leave Medan than ever. Definitely won't stand another year living here..no education is not the main reason, but I won't stand living the protection my Dad has been providing me all my life. I need something new, something probably out of my league. I'm a little scared, yeah, of going to face the real life..meeting international people out there. But what is life without risks right? I hope I won't get out of line, not being myself, or being too careless after living there. Those are the worst things. Well, fingers always crossed, prayers always said.

PS, I love feedback! ;)

Signed,

Winny Teh

Who Says

\

Today is not a good day. Recent thought: It is probably destined that I study overseas. In fact, it's the only way to prove I'm mature enough to live apart from Mom and Dad. I don't wanna be the 'youngest and never-grow-up' forever.

Signed,

Teh,Winny.

Dedicate to my ♡s, each one of you.

As if one night wasn't enough, I shed tears for two nights in a row. Different reasons, same sensitivity.

There are times like these when I need to pour out all the burden weighed on me. Crying is not the best solution, I know, but it's the best relief. At least for me. Don't ask why, it's still the same old reason. Exactly like the saying says, "Big action comes big responsibility". I simply can't agree more.

It kinds of saddens me to know I still need people to worry about me, all the time. And that they still can't fully have faith on my action, support me. Seventeen years old is in a couple of days and look at what I did in the few last days of my sixteen. Truth be told, I'm upset, furious with myself as well, MORE than anyone else, you should know. Doubts and fears keep on crawling into me and there's none of my beloved to support my decision. Indeed, it's not a good one, or shall I say, worst of the worst ever.

But hey, who else if not myself to decide my life? Who else if not myself to carry the responsibilities of my actions? They've always been right all the time, my beloved ones. Sometimes, it's just me.. wanting to take the wrong path and yet they always are there to bring me back to the right track.

But this time, I need support. I've done things I know could harm me, but unlike previous times, I'm now willing to take the risk. Please understand. Life is not just about going on the right track.. going on the wrong track is a part of life as well, isn't it? All of us can only predict how this will end, later in the future. Which is why we try  the best to prevent the worst to happen. But it's only a foreseeing, it can still be changed. People change, don't they?

I want you guys to trust me.. have faith in my every action. Stop all the insults. Stop all the humiliating words. I can only listen to encouraging, motivating words, the others will be to no avail, trust me. Whenever I'm about to cross the limit, please tell me, wake me up! But when I need shoulders to cry on, will you guys be willing to lend yours? I love you guys, ALL of you, unexceptionally. So please, try to listen to the voice of my heart..


l o v e,
Teh. Winny

ponder ponder

It's 11.42 pm, meaning 18 minutes to 12 am, to 7th of December...8 days before the semester exam. I don't know why I keep on complaining myself for being procrastinating, yet my mind won't work like what I've planned. This is so not true, my stupid habit is seriously gonna cause me some HUGE trouble :'/


I've come to realization that nobody can be as trustworthy as our own parents, and in my case sisters..NOBODY. No matter how much sacrifice, trust and faith you've given and put on people.. some day, any day, they could just act beyond what you could ever think of, and instantly ruin your trust, take you for granted! Now the funny part is, you cannot really hate them after everything they've done to you..let alone break the relationship you and they had once been. See how silly human can be, sometimes? I believe some of us had at least one experience of this situation, unable to let go of the past, go with the present flow, move on to the future.

 

Anyway, Happy Tahun Baru Islam for those who celebrate! :)

xx

l o v e,

Teh.Winny

some things are better left unspoken, no?

Who has the right to control your emotion? Your present feeling? No one, but you.

With regard to the previous post, I have had so much in my mind to think of. For the countless times, my mind and heart are fighting again to find out who's the winner for some moment. Yesterday my heart was the winner, today it still is. Ever since I failed to control over my own heart, I have attempted to support my mind to win this endless match. Sometimes I get sick and tired, and pause for a while. At this moment, my mind wins. But other times my heart would wake up and fight to find its mate. Yearning the times when it was pampered by his. True it is, it takes a short while to fall for love, and may take a lifetime to forget. Well, I don't really like this version of mine when it comes to talk about this particular matter. 'cause I'll become so fragile..so strength-less. But then again, I remind myself, everybody else has ever been in most conditions I felt, and they breezed through them..so why can't I?

Having asking the solution from a friend of mine, I feel like regaining back the strength. I had made myself clear today when I stated out some points that made me feel this way. Surprised as I was, they are not actually worth the pain. Re-reading what I typed to a friend this evening, I feel that all this time I am not in the side I think I am. Returning back to the right path is what I'm struggling right this moment.

Sorry to have been filling you with intangible writings recently. Many times when I feel sentimental I type so much trying to make things clearer but still confuses me anyway haha :p

Oh yes, about (hectic) school life, senior high students at Sutomo 1 (I'm not sure with junior high) will definitely be facing a stressful moment soon (geniuses excluded). First monthly exam of this semester is about to begin in...less than a week. The problem is, from next Monday until Wednesday we will be having holidays! yes it's a problem if I can't concentrate myself, which usually happens on holidays. :\ Gosh I REALLY NEED to do my best this time. Ain't gonna let regrets haunting me after results are out. This time should be reaaaaaaaaaal serious please Winny! For the future, FOR THE FUTURE! :X

The reasons behind blogging

I have so many happenings in my life to share with my blog. But first of all, in this post, I would like to re-talk about why I created this blog with this address years ago.
My name is Winny Teh. Since I don't really the way like my name appears on the blog address, I decided to translate my surname into 'tea' which means the same as 'teh' in Indonesian. So, it is practically not because I don't like my name..I ♥ my name, that I can assure you.

My first aim when creating this blog is to improve my English. But as time goes by, it has started to grow inside me, then I began to realize it has already become one of my most loyal sharing partners.
Most of the time, I blog when I feel very down or very up with my life. My blog is also my way of connecting with the world..although I admit, I don't have many readers, and I'm very fine with that.

 My friends had many times told me that I sometimes reveal too much of the private details about my life..the things that only my family and close friends should have known. Since I rarely type with names and precise details on, I think it's actually quite okay. Besides, I think people have their own business more important to mind than mine (:

I also would like to explain the reason why I rarely blog..although inside I'm screaming to post one entry each day. Many times when I feel unstable, I feel like needing someone to listen or to advise me. My blog is one of first things that would cross my mind. But then I would make up my mind because I know..once I've started typing, it is hard to stop. The thing is that I don't want too many people despite my closest ones to know too much important details I could state- moreover when I'm unstable-about me and my life. It's pointless, and could be harmful, I think.

Years ahead from now, I would love to reminisce all of the important blessings that have ever happened in my life-particularly school life. How I felt at the moment, what was my reaction, the people, everything! -this is also the aim of my blog.

Soo, I've already made things quite clear, haven't I? :)
This blog is never aiming to harm anybody, as it is only (as I've mentioned) my sharing partner. I write about the blissful and precious happenings in my life, the lessons learned, and everything important to me. So thank you for letting me share this diary of mine.. :)

I ♥ YOU..

Sometimes, after years of a thing once happened in your life, you will think you might have forgotten how exactly the thing feels or looks like..or that it will surely not affect you when you look at it now. I used to be one of the loyal believer..before I experienced it myself. Time heals, they say, but that doesn't really apply to me, I guess. Even though I have left out many of the tiny details, the used-to-be important ones have never left my mind. Not up til now.

I didn't realize those things I typed above before the last lesson of school today. When the Indonesian language teacher asked us to write a short story, the first thing that came across my mind was (always and have been) the happy memories. Ironic, I guess, considering how long had that event taken place. Moreover, series of events had passed by, and that was the first to come across as though it has been the greatest blessing ever happened up til now. Sad to say, it isn't easy for me to forget any of them. Because, time goes along with the memories..as if they had just currently happened to me.

********************************************

Last Saturday was my Granny's 84th Birthday ♥♥♥
Ever since I was a child, ever since I can remember, my granny was the one who practically did all of the taking-care. Her affection towards all of her grandchildren..her worries, and everything..was the way she loves us. Even though a cousin of mine had had 2 sons aged around 8 and 10, my granny still had not got over worrying him every day and night..let alone when my cousin is sick. My granny is the only person on earth with the kindness and love that has never faded with time. She prioritizes all of her children and grandchildren before herself. She's also the one all of the family members worry about most of the time, because of her weak body and over-worried habit. She's the role model of metta for me. I ♥ YOU Grandma.

 

now SHE, is the greatest blessing ever happened in my life..♥♥

Dear my SuperDad

"I've never given much thought to how I would die...

but to die in the place of someone I love..seems like a good way to go."
-Bella Swan.

Things happened these few weeks of holiday had caused me to ponder a lot..which is, I think, good. I have not been using much of my brain's ability for quite some time, and unlike what I used to think, thinking about studies is easier than about life problems.

Dad..has often been the one to make me conscious of all those. His unreasonable scoldings, angers, protection, and love towards me are his ways of bringing me up. Although, to tell to truth, I dislike them. At good times, he showers me with unconditional love, give me almost everything that I wish for, and make me believe that nothing impossible for me to reach. But in return, he puts high expectations on me. Not only in education, but in everyday life's matters. High risks, high returns..I know. But I can't stand disappointing him anymore. The stern scoldings, harsh words, when my work was nothing up to his expectations.

They are just very high, I can tell. It's not like they're impossible, but I just need to learn first step by step. I'm not born having all the requirements of a wonder girl. Yeah, I aim to be one, I always do. But now, I'm not even close to it, Daddy, not yet.

TIME. That's what I lack..but keep wasting. To make the full use of it, and my mind, that's what I'm aiming for.
I promise you..someday, someway, I will be the way I should be. And by that time, I hope you will still walk with your head up, chin high, when telling people I am your daughter. Just like the way I am now when I mention to anybody about you.

amazed

blogging was in my To-Do list but then I seem to have too many things I would like to share and don't know where to start.

Exam was fine. I hope I did good enough. By 'good enough' I mean I could fulfill the requirements to stay at the plus class. I SHOULD stay there- I've got too comfortable with the environment and friends- I HAVE TO. (:

It's true that LIFE FEELS SWEETER ON HOLIDAYS, don't you think? I've got the whole time to do what I want to, without having to feel guilty. Since the first day of the exam, I'd got my mind on this one-month break and the tons of plans to do. I kept on pushing myself to do the best I could as NO REGRETS are expected on holidays. (Although now I still have a little guilt in me and (again) cursed myself for not being discipline to revise all subjects far before exam.) But when I reached the end of the exam and went home, all my plans seemed to fade one by one. Gee I guessed I was just tooooooo excited that I got confused on which one to do first :P

Talking about plans, I'm in the middle of confusion whether to take photography and cloth-designing classes or not. I actually am interested with both of them, but I'm afraid that they will turn out not like what I expect. Photography class is very much considered as I begin to show some enthusiasm towards it recently. But, in cloth-designing, there are still aspects I need to consider carefully before I finally make the decision. Or else I'm afraid it would not have a happy ending; and I don't want to waste such big sum of money on that.

Oh Yes, I forgot to mention about my CANON EOS 550D ♥
I had it before exam. And since daddy paid it for me first, I asked for his account number so I could transfer such amount of money to him. Guess what, HE LAUGHED AT ME. I said I was really planning to buy it with my own pocket money, then he answered if I was serious then I should actually go to the office to work with him, not necessarily transferring any money to him. Then I thought it was not a bad idea too as I could gain new experience on this holiday, and make use of this opportunity to train myself. Tomorrow will be the first day I take part in Dad's job. I know it won't be easy but it's the only way I could help daddy and I hope I don't spoil. :)

Oh yes, I think my health is in trouble recently. Seems like all the pain I hold during exam are now showing themselves one by one. I've had one migraine, dizziness, days with lack of sleep, and now, stomachache. Still thankful they didn't appear during exam.

Talking about life.. It has given me so many surprises in just these few days of holidays. I think I've grown more mature.. and blessed. Suddenly all my positive thoughts- which I think have just returned from a long holiday -began to fill me again. I feel that I am now more capable of handling things around me and not taking every single thing people say as serious as before. I've given myself a time to relax my mind and see life in a different perception. Seriously, I didn't even dare to imagine things will turn out like they are now. But as I'm feeling more comfortable, I begin to worry that they will all disappear without my notice.. again. But since I've hardly gained the ability of letting go, I believe this time and many other times in the future I would be able to make it again, if that's what it takes. So Yeah, I'm not going to allow myself to live in regrets, and for being so fragile anymore. Especially not for that particular reason. (:




I should be going to the dreamland soon. Oh I hope I will do great on my first day :)

xoxoxoxo

A Day To Be Joyful and Learn

Yesterday- 2nd May, 2010

I did great today by making sure to myself that every plan would turn out good. And I'm so glad it came true :b
At first my plan to see a movie was nearly canceled. Since I couldn't stand waiting in the (very) looooong queue at 21cinema with my empty stomach, I decided to return after lunch. Well, I expected the vision of another long queue but then I guess we (me and karvina)were lucky. It was 2.30 p.m and we kind of expecting Iron Man2 back-seat tickets were still available, but then 3 studios' tickets were full (can you imagine?) until 9 pm. We had no other option except IP Man2, and after both of us agreed, we bought 2 tickets of the movie shown at 3.10 p.m in row A. :)

I bought plenty of things yesterday and ate a loott @.@ BUT they brightened up my mood :P

Mom was home yesterday and she bought me a lot of clothes and accessories. ALL of them are Korean style. Geez if I didn't know where she went, I would've thought she was home from Korea (X

I realized I had typed some words yesterday that would no doubt hurt my mother if she read them. I know all this time I keep telling myself I should be patient, I should listen, I should think. I have NEVER wanted my mother to hurt my mother and I love her sooooo much, I mean it. Sometimes I just can't think clearly as my ego seemed to start blocking the whole view of the goods one of her. My craving for permanent freedom, I guess.

Well, one thing I may not truly understand now is how hard to be a mother is. She has to be caring, loving, and patient. She also has to be firm to us every time we make mistakes. She has to be a loving wife, a hardworking career woman, a caring mother, as well as a well-behaved daughter-in-law. To play such massive role in our family may be quite impossible, but I am sure to say, all of US have never doubt my love for her. I know I can never thank you enough after all you've done and will keep on doing for me, for US. ♥

I'm so sorry for hurting youuu :(
I ♥ YOU MOTHER, I REALLY DO.

this ain't gonna happen no more

front: Boom Shop acid washed blazer
back: Castle LaVie pink buttoned blazer


I've been starting to feel unwell these few days. I seem pale every time I have not enough sleep. What makes things worse is my eating habit. I feel like I want to swallow every single tasty food I saw. Or that I regarded every single food as tasty, I don't know. :/ my stomach seems to have been living by its own, apart from my body. I have been losing control of it recently and I hate how stomach can ruin my mood easily :(

I hope everything is fine. I promise myself to be at bed before midnight, and stay away from internet as far as I can :) This habit is seriously gonna affect my whole day's performance and I dread at that thought. *sigh*

I had just managed the list of my outcome for this month and I was astonished myself. How the hell I could spend such amount of money at mostly Online Shops? My attempt to stay away from visiting Sun Plaza so that I wouldn't spend a lot had been in vain I guess. Oh my, Mom and Dad are out there working 24/7 and I am here spending money like the flowing water? I shall think next time, yes THINK Winny.

How come after such period of time, such amount of energy I've lost to make myself forget, I can still feel the pain by merely staring at the picture? :'/