Written in the sand

I'm finally back. After eight and a half months living a slightly different life 4000 miles away. Excited? Don't even know.

It feels as though the city hasn't changed. Like I've just been back from a vacation and not leaving for more than a month. The routine, the custom, the crowd are exactly as what I pictured in mind. Or at least those are what I found til now.

Talking about my life in sydney, foundation year is finally over.  A close friend of mine who came from Hong Kong, decided to pursue her studies in another city but Sydney. So we (read: the Indos) had to say our goodbyes and spent the last few days as if we're never gonna meet again. At least that's what I kept in mind. Funny how sometimes we could only cherish the moment when we know they might never come again. She's been a very lovely and caring girl all this time. Everything would be more awkwardly quiet without her from now on haha I really hope she could find the place that suits her and finally settle down. Another ending, yet another beginning. Uni life is about to start in a month's time. They say it's scary and hard and no-kidding. Foundation year is already pushing me off my limits and I wonder how uni will do me. Finals last week was killing me I swear. I literally worked my ass off the first 3 monstah subjects: econs, legal, maths. That was probably the hardest I've ever worked for an exam. I tried my best though, and still crossing fingers for the results x

Right now, in my hometown, I wish things would fall into place. I would catch up with friends, meet up with teachers, eat, spend, play, have fun all the time! ;) I really don't wish to encounter any stupid feeling I brought whilst leaving hometown last year. That's my wish for this holidays. xoxo

If I

I've been abandoning my blog for weeks. It's September...already. I'm creeping inside, nervous and anxiety overwhelm me every time I think about leaving. I've been distracting myself from that thought, and delay packing. It's no good. but I simply wish I could lie to reality... Why am I this scared of leaving hometown for a while? I've been saying the reason is not being able to see my loved ones every time I feel like. Maybe it's true.. But to think about it now, absence makes the heart grows fonder, no? Maybe I just fear they won't miss me so much like I will..or even..forget about me. Being 4286 miles apart from them definitely will feel like in hell at times. Longing for them yet can't reach them. Don't you think so?

But if I ponder a bit longer, I'll return to the starting point. Why am I going to leave? To pursue my studies. I don't know I've ever mentioned this or not, but studying overseas has been my dream for ages. Living 8 hours flight away from my parents, loved ones, and having no helpers like housemaid or driver at all....are the price I have to pay during the time. But I know, on the other side, living this way could make me grow up. At least more mature. It's gonna be worth it..and with the title and degree I'll achieve. I hope studying in Sydney will be an eye-opener as well as me answering the golden opportunity. I shall nail everything. Sadhu3x

Signed,

WinnyTeh.

Happy

I'm happy. Not because bad things have stayed away from me, but more to because I've managed to overcome them. Me and my dad are talking now. No more the 'no hiu' (hokkien) behavior to one another. Problems not particularly solved but I guess Dad's just no longer finding being mad at me for such a long time a good solution. He probably gave up because I made effort to show I'm not a helpless, home girl.

Exactly one more month from today, I'll be heading to my sisters. Going to live with them again after years of not living together under one roof for more than 3 months. I actually quite doubtful with that idea. Don't judge, not because I don't like them (I love them!), but more to I'll need to adjust with their way of living there.First and foremost I'm going to serve myself. Doing the laundry, washing the dishes..no more 'Kak Atik' whenever I want. T----T Secondly no more driver! Wanna go somewhere near? Walk! Somewhere far? Take the bus! Or even worse, there can't be any last-minute wake up because you might not know if you'd miss the bus! hmm..are you saying about taking a cab? It'll cost you a damn fortune, trust me.

Of course the worst part of all is I'll be faaaaaaar away from all my loved ones in Medan. When you miss seeing your parents, curious of what they've been up to, you can only meet them through the flat screen. When you miss your best friends, and boyfriend? Sigh, no solution t___t

But I can't be more wanting to leave Medan than ever. Definitely won't stand another year living here..no education is not the main reason, but I won't stand living the protection my Dad has been providing me all my life. I need something new, something probably out of my league. I'm a little scared, yeah, of going to face the real life..meeting international people out there. But what is life without risks right? I hope I won't get out of line, not being myself, or being too careless after living there. Those are the worst things. Well, fingers always crossed, prayers always said.

PS, I love feedback! ;)

Signed,

Winny Teh

Someday

I know I haven't blogged for almost two weeks. I didn't feel like to. There has been something occupying my mind lately. No it's not about education, or relationship, but more about family..my Dad precisely.

It's kind of saddens me the problem I have with my Dad lately. Moreover I'm leaving in 33 days. Yeah the date is set. But slightly on the other hand, this matter makes me ponder a lot, about me growing up. Of course a problem is not a good thing, but besides trying to solve it on my way, at the moment I'm just trying to take the positive of it. Nothing much as a positive, besides letting me to manage matters myself, and more like a training to get used to living far away from parents. It's positive now, isn't it?

However, deep inside my heart I'm still heartbroken. I've always considered my family's response to my actions. But probably not always do what they say. It is not my desire to be against dad. Although that action of mine said the other way. Sigh Dad is just way too protective to his daughters. Since I'm the only daughter living with him for the past 4 years, the whole protection is for me. Don't know I should be glad or not.

I don't know how many times I've stated this, anywhere, but I'm the adventurous type of person, just so you know. I can never sit still doing a same thing monotonously. (unless it's an entertainment) I like to experience different new things, learn various languages, or musical instruments, basically anything of skills! I want to fall, and get up, and fall again, get up again. But I can only do all those things with the support of my surroundings..my loved ones. If they are not there for me whenever I want them to be, I'll feel this life is not worth living. Mind my depression, but it has ever crossed my mind countless times in this year..ever since I no longer have the only person in this world to love me unconditionally....my Grandma.

On one hand, I'm not fully prepared to leave my hometown, where life must be easier on me, with helpers and parents. But on the other hand, I just can't wait to prove to my parents, and my family, and Grandma, that I, Winny Teh, their loving daughter, sister and granddaughter, is no longer a spoiled, useless, not-worth-to-trust little brat. Yeah 'someday' is coming closer.

“When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were thing like astronaut, president, or in my case… princess.

When we were ten, they asked again and we answered – rock star, cowboy, or in my case, gold medalist. But now that we’ve grown up, they want a serious answer. Well, how ’bout this: who the hell knows?!

This isn’t the time to make hard and fast decisions, its time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere chill. Fall in love – a lot. Major in philosophy ’cause there’s no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind. Then change it again, because nothing is permanent.

So make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask again what we want to be… we won’t have to guess. We’ll know.” 

Sweet Summer

I've been to nowhere but to Pasarame for lunch and English tuition with Ms Anita today. I planned to go to Piano tuition in the morning as an extra BUT couldn't (actually didn't want to) wake up.

Another friend has departed today. Edric, which is also a friend I've known through SEALNet. Not quite just from there actually, 'cause during three years of high school his class has always been next to mine. If it wasn't because of SEALNet, I wouldn't know he can be such a good and crazy friend. HA! 

If you agree with me that the pictures above were so simple yet so intriguing, then you're also a fan of GKphotography :) I've been a BIG fan of her work and I found her through flickr :)

Anyway, I've posted today! A good start for a self-promise <3

PS, isn't HelloKitty too adorable?

Signed,

Teh, Winny.