Treat me right, 2011

Hello again!
Can you believe it's that time of the year already? 2011 will soon come to an end!

How has 2011 treated you? ;)
It has been treating me awesomely good! I'm utterly grateful nothing horrible has happened throughout the year! Can't thank the Buddha enough for the blessings to me and family.


These 345 days I proudly say I have not just grown older, but more mature. Coming here, far away from home is truly an eye-opener. I am able to not cling to the past, instead live in the present, aim for the future.

Some things still need to be fixed, though.
Since I used to live on my own for 4 years, now I have to adapt to living with my sisters.
I didn't know living by my own could change my attitude so much, for real. For those 4 years, I needn't think about the others. I woke up by myself, went home from school by myself, played by myself, ate sometimes by myself, and finally slept by myself. The world revolves around me only.

But it's different now. The world just doesn't revolve around me only anymore.
I woke up with sister by my side. Dinner sometimes with them. Shared stories with them. Slept with a sister.



How does it differ, you ask?
Since I had been living like I am the only child, I became more selfish. It just occurred spontaneously, unexpected. All I had to do was to mind my own business. Buy my own things. Play by my own. But that attitude should not be carried here. Not if I live with my family. True, not?

Apart from that lesson, this year has taught me many many many others. I hope the same goes to you guys too! Have a fabulous closing of the year everyone! Merry early Christmas! Enjoy the festive season of the year :D

Sister love

Someday

I know I haven't blogged for almost two weeks. I didn't feel like to. There has been something occupying my mind lately. No it's not about education, or relationship, but more about family..my Dad precisely.

It's kind of saddens me the problem I have with my Dad lately. Moreover I'm leaving in 33 days. Yeah the date is set. But slightly on the other hand, this matter makes me ponder a lot, about me growing up. Of course a problem is not a good thing, but besides trying to solve it on my way, at the moment I'm just trying to take the positive of it. Nothing much as a positive, besides letting me to manage matters myself, and more like a training to get used to living far away from parents. It's positive now, isn't it?

However, deep inside my heart I'm still heartbroken. I've always considered my family's response to my actions. But probably not always do what they say. It is not my desire to be against dad. Although that action of mine said the other way. Sigh Dad is just way too protective to his daughters. Since I'm the only daughter living with him for the past 4 years, the whole protection is for me. Don't know I should be glad or not.

I don't know how many times I've stated this, anywhere, but I'm the adventurous type of person, just so you know. I can never sit still doing a same thing monotonously. (unless it's an entertainment) I like to experience different new things, learn various languages, or musical instruments, basically anything of skills! I want to fall, and get up, and fall again, get up again. But I can only do all those things with the support of my surroundings..my loved ones. If they are not there for me whenever I want them to be, I'll feel this life is not worth living. Mind my depression, but it has ever crossed my mind countless times in this year..ever since I no longer have the only person in this world to love me unconditionally....my Grandma.

On one hand, I'm not fully prepared to leave my hometown, where life must be easier on me, with helpers and parents. But on the other hand, I just can't wait to prove to my parents, and my family, and Grandma, that I, Winny Teh, their loving daughter, sister and granddaughter, is no longer a spoiled, useless, not-worth-to-trust little brat. Yeah 'someday' is coming closer.

“When we were five, they asked us what we wanted to be when we grew up. Our answers were thing like astronaut, president, or in my case… princess.

When we were ten, they asked again and we answered – rock star, cowboy, or in my case, gold medalist. But now that we’ve grown up, they want a serious answer. Well, how ’bout this: who the hell knows?!

This isn’t the time to make hard and fast decisions, its time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere chill. Fall in love – a lot. Major in philosophy ’cause there’s no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind. Then change it again, because nothing is permanent.

So make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask again what we want to be… we won’t have to guess. We’ll know.” 

Who Says

\

Today is not a good day. Recent thought: It is probably destined that I study overseas. In fact, it's the only way to prove I'm mature enough to live apart from Mom and Dad. I don't wanna be the 'youngest and never-grow-up' forever.

Signed,

Teh,Winny.

Her

Not posting regularly definitely broke my own promise. In my weak defense, I had a fever the next day of the previous post so I couldn't post. It lasted for three days. I wasn't allowed to go anywhere, staying at home all day. Hehe

Oh btw I went to Singapore (again) quite recently and Brastagi for a short vacation with family! I felt so happy Tacie decided to make up her mind and returned home because of the longing for us (yeah she said that) :)
Since the whole family members were in Medan, we decided to have a new family photoshoot. Considering the old one were taken in like roughly 8 years ago..when I was in the elementary school.

I kinda miss Grannie a lot lately. Approximately one more month and it'll be a year.. I often connect some situations with Her presence. Like my short violent argument with sisters a while ago. The next thing I had in mind while pouring out my feelings in tears was : "If only Grandma were here, she would've been on my side. Teeling us to stop arguing over such trivial matter. " True it is, My Grandma was my hero. She would always be my bullet-proof, towards anyone scolding me. Yes including Her own son too. I am holding my tears whilst typing this..crossing my fingers she is doing very fine up there, that my Grandpa would protect her, cause we can't anymore. Sigh the matter I regret the most up til now would be not trying to do my best as a granddaughter when she was still here in my world. I know I can do nothing about it now, but I am always sad whenever I reminisce how rebellious I was back then.. I love you Grandma.


Sealed,
WinnyTeh.

Bye bye January, please be SPECIAL February ♡

January has come to an end. Time sure flies but I bet I had the most adventurous January ever ; )
The VOC inauguration, Pantai Labu Social Service with almost other 100 Sutomo1 students, the first Pindapatta experience, and many more! I'm hoping the next 11 months of 2011 will be the same awesome :)

Tonight is the 30th day according to the Lunar Calendar and tomorrow will be the Lunar New Year :) Me and family will be leaving in approximately 16 hours and I hope all of us can arrive and return back to Medan safe and sound, with joy and excitement overwhelming :D

So following the tradition, tonight my family (and of course most other families) will be having so-called reunion dinner.I think my family is not very excited because our family is incomplete..yes without grandma now around : / I can't bear to recall last year's Lunar New Year, the whole merry celebration.. I simply wish Gradma could be with us later this night, I hope she will.. :')

Anyway, I'm going to abandon my blog (again) for another week and I wish all of you and myself happy holidays! Happy Lunar New Year as well for those who celebrate :D may this Rabbit Year brings more luck, experience, and wisdom : )


l o v e,
Teh. Winny ♡

Happy Christmas Eve!

I miss blogging.
It's been two weeks or more, and things have happened.
Exam is over, that's one, and I'm grateful for that. Don't know why, these days exam just doesn't seem as exciting as it used to be for me. Now, I feel like being haunted by the piling papers which have to be done overnight. Blame my studying habit I know, but I just can't seem to can fix that up til now, not that I've never tried.

Perhaps it's the pressure of having to memorize the whole thing being examined that kept my mind on the subject, unlike ordinary school days when the pressure is lesser. Maybe. See so far I think this semester exam's results will probably be the worst in high school. I think I wasn't in charge of my own brain this time. It just didn't want to listen to me. Sigh.

Enough of exam, holidays have been great so far. I am in Singapore and leaving for Sydney in approximately 2 hours :) so happy finally I get to meet the two lovelies after several months!

Merry Christmas to all of you and Happy New Year in 7 days ;)
Hope all of you have a wonderful and enjoyable holiday!
xoxo



love,
Teh.Winny

Thankyou for being proud of me, Mom and Dad ;)

When holidays for other schools are just around the corner, ours are in 3 weeks time and will last ONLY for 2 weeks :/ Sutomo doesn't really award the students with long holidays to welcome Christmas and New Year, unlike many other schools here in Medan -___-"

Ah, with regard to yesterday's post (:D) I really couldn't stop smiling when I knew it the night before. Actually, I have just known that IELTS results can be checked from the Internet through results.ielts.org :O I was informed by Desilia who also got the same overall band score as mine :D Congrats to both her and Winnie, who got 7 for the band score ;')

I was not trying to exaggerate anything but this is no ordinary achievement, at least for me. I was dang surprised and elated to know I had done such a good job. This feeling of proud is better than when I was announced to be accepted in the plus class (; The excitement, enthusiast, the whole thing can still be clearly depicted up till now. But I know, IELTS is merely a measurement of how far my English can go, and will not stay for a long time. Which is why, I need to improve it again and again before it loses its magic ;)



Anyways, I've got to get ready for a family dinner now. I'll post more if I want to later :p
Happy Weekends, all!

When the heart starts functioning for someone, the brain starts malfunctioning too much.

-via @ThisDamnQuote

Hey you! Gottcha :P

 l o v e,
Teh.Winny

My forever and always, guardian angel.

Problems, incidents have come rushing since the last few months. Life-changing perceptions, views, motivations aren't easy to handle with when there aren't the loved ones to hold on to. True it is, family and friends are right within my arms length whenever I'm in trouble, or not.

Little did I know..little did everybody know, our family would come to grief and lost a family member, physically. Two months ago, exactly two months ago..was the last night I got to spend with my Grandma. Her soul had left this world the next morning..it's her body that remained still, lifeless. It was the first time ever.. EVER.. I prayed I was not in reality..that I was just in somewhere else, in my sleep. I couldn't believe this would finally happen..I would lose someone I love most, a family member, forever.

The person who was and still is hurt most, who couldn't help regretting and ignoring the reality up til now, will be my dearest father. He was not around during the last time of grandma's life, he was out of town for a few days. Never in my life I had seen my Dad in such sorrow.. feeling such agony. My dad was very, very, strong. Many times he pretended to remain calm, tried to move on, yet everybody knew, deep inside he was screaming out loud..hoping if by any chance, any chance he could at least say goodbye, he would exchange it to anything.

The following days were blurry..I couldn't recall much the happenings, the atmosphere that overwhelmed the whole family members, relatives, and friends. None of them believed my Grandma had passed away.. n o n e of them. She was clearly in the pink of health, with ability to shout, walk slowly, or even cook by herself. She wasn't showing any sign of sicknesses, or was in one, when she left. But then again, I'm grateful she left definitely in peace, considering how many times she had been hospitalized the past few months during the last time of her life.


The ritual of 49 days have passed.. yet each thing happened on that day remains fresh in my mind. Grandma had been such an angel during the time of her life..and I believe she is too, now. Thank you was never enough to express my gratitude, to have a wonderful, loving and caring person as you, Grandma, to have never stopped taking care of me any second of your life, to always have you as my guardian angel.


You may have physically gone for good, Grandma. But you will never truly leave me, or any of us, ever.
You will always be with us Grannie, a l w a y s ♥

I ♥ YOU..

Sometimes, after years of a thing once happened in your life, you will think you might have forgotten how exactly the thing feels or looks like..or that it will surely not affect you when you look at it now. I used to be one of the loyal believer..before I experienced it myself. Time heals, they say, but that doesn't really apply to me, I guess. Even though I have left out many of the tiny details, the used-to-be important ones have never left my mind. Not up til now.

I didn't realize those things I typed above before the last lesson of school today. When the Indonesian language teacher asked us to write a short story, the first thing that came across my mind was (always and have been) the happy memories. Ironic, I guess, considering how long had that event taken place. Moreover, series of events had passed by, and that was the first to come across as though it has been the greatest blessing ever happened up til now. Sad to say, it isn't easy for me to forget any of them. Because, time goes along with the memories..as if they had just currently happened to me.

********************************************

Last Saturday was my Granny's 84th Birthday ♥♥♥
Ever since I was a child, ever since I can remember, my granny was the one who practically did all of the taking-care. Her affection towards all of her grandchildren..her worries, and everything..was the way she loves us. Even though a cousin of mine had had 2 sons aged around 8 and 10, my granny still had not got over worrying him every day and night..let alone when my cousin is sick. My granny is the only person on earth with the kindness and love that has never faded with time. She prioritizes all of her children and grandchildren before herself. She's also the one all of the family members worry about most of the time, because of her weak body and over-worried habit. She's the role model of metta for me. I ♥ YOU Grandma.

 

now SHE, is the greatest blessing ever happened in my life..♥♥

A Day To Be Joyful and Learn

Yesterday- 2nd May, 2010

I did great today by making sure to myself that every plan would turn out good. And I'm so glad it came true :b
At first my plan to see a movie was nearly canceled. Since I couldn't stand waiting in the (very) looooong queue at 21cinema with my empty stomach, I decided to return after lunch. Well, I expected the vision of another long queue but then I guess we (me and karvina)were lucky. It was 2.30 p.m and we kind of expecting Iron Man2 back-seat tickets were still available, but then 3 studios' tickets were full (can you imagine?) until 9 pm. We had no other option except IP Man2, and after both of us agreed, we bought 2 tickets of the movie shown at 3.10 p.m in row A. :)

I bought plenty of things yesterday and ate a loott @.@ BUT they brightened up my mood :P

Mom was home yesterday and she bought me a lot of clothes and accessories. ALL of them are Korean style. Geez if I didn't know where she went, I would've thought she was home from Korea (X

I realized I had typed some words yesterday that would no doubt hurt my mother if she read them. I know all this time I keep telling myself I should be patient, I should listen, I should think. I have NEVER wanted my mother to hurt my mother and I love her sooooo much, I mean it. Sometimes I just can't think clearly as my ego seemed to start blocking the whole view of the goods one of her. My craving for permanent freedom, I guess.

Well, one thing I may not truly understand now is how hard to be a mother is. She has to be caring, loving, and patient. She also has to be firm to us every time we make mistakes. She has to be a loving wife, a hardworking career woman, a caring mother, as well as a well-behaved daughter-in-law. To play such massive role in our family may be quite impossible, but I am sure to say, all of US have never doubt my love for her. I know I can never thank you enough after all you've done and will keep on doing for me, for US. ♥

I'm so sorry for hurting youuu :(
I ♥ YOU MOTHER, I REALLY DO.

Where I truly belong

I've attended 2 birthday parties in 2 nights in a row. No wonder I spent exactly half a day time sleeping today :X And this night will be sally's, but as I realize I had made a wrong mistake last night, I decided not to attend any party tonight.

I suddenly found myself so unconscious all this time. or is it my brain that worked so slow or that I hadn't used it for so long, I dont know. I was just considering how come I was so heartless all those times. I have always been telling myself to prioritize my family, but my actions seemed to have been the other way round. I knew my dad had always been reminding me of mistake I had done that he spotted, but I seemed to never give a damn on most of them.. and I feel sorry :/

Leaving my grandmother worrying all night was one of my biggest mistakes. Abandoning her advices was another. What made me neglected them was the thought of her being always worry excessively about trivial matters. Since I was merely attending birthday parties of my closest friends', and I could guarantee myself arriving safe and sound at home after the parties, I didn't give a damn on the reasons of her worries. But everything just made sense last night. Her reason of worrying excessively all these times, my parents' anger when I arrived home late at night and me being outrageous by breaking the family rules, and many more. It is simply because they love and care about me. Not that I've never realized that, but all this time I just couldn't accept their way of loving me that makes me feel difficult to breathe.

I've been living here for sixteen years and not once I have ever accepted their way of loving me.
But from now on, I will as possibly savor each moment with my family. I don't want to lose myself indulging too much fun and forget my whole family in just a blink of an eye. I will also try to make sense about everything, and I promise myself, I will seriously make the effort this time.

Wish me the best luck, will you? :)



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