I am not to play with my feelings, e v e r a g a i n.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Ban mal
Trust me, feelings can be grown. With time. With effort. With togetherness. The battle between my mind and heart can be quite terrifying. What is hoped is for the mind to win. Instead feelings overwhelm the atmosphere and whisper: "Give it a try. "
I am not to play with my feelings, e v e r a g a i n.
I am not to play with my feelings, e v e r a g a i n.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
disentangling thoughts
Hello. This is gonna be a random post.
I've been listening to Christina perri's songs lately: Jar of Hearts and A thousand Years. Jar of Hearts reminded me of that time in my life, when the exact situation in the song, happened to me. But instead of a refusal, I gave a yes in response. A second chance.
I was grateful, during the journey, that I believed in second chances. The process was beautiful, every day was a fairy tale, only 'happily ever after' was not yet achieved. It's like the 'A thousand Years'. Until I was willing to give a LDR a try. But I failed, before the song even ends.
I am hoping there is gonna be a third song. I wanna know, I am curious about the
truth: Is this the end already? No I am not wishing for a next episode, I just want certainty. I hate having false hopes, like I have just had. Cause in the end, the truth always left me speechless.
I don't know what's wrong in me. Or is it really me?
I hate the fact that I feel into the deep hole with someone, but in the end I have to climb out of it myself. I'm not regretting though, cause I know I'll learn from it.
I am not in a state of confusion, nor in the brink of doubts. Sometimes I just need to describe my thoughts into words. No answer needed, no replies necessary. Only now, my thoughts have come crystal clearer. This post has helped me through understanding.
End of story.
I've been listening to Christina perri's songs lately: Jar of Hearts and A thousand Years. Jar of Hearts reminded me of that time in my life, when the exact situation in the song, happened to me. But instead of a refusal, I gave a yes in response. A second chance.
I was grateful, during the journey, that I believed in second chances. The process was beautiful, every day was a fairy tale, only 'happily ever after' was not yet achieved. It's like the 'A thousand Years'. Until I was willing to give a LDR a try. But I failed, before the song even ends.
I am hoping there is gonna be a third song. I wanna know, I am curious about the
truth: Is this the end already? No I am not wishing for a next episode, I just want certainty. I hate having false hopes, like I have just had. Cause in the end, the truth always left me speechless.
I don't know what's wrong in me. Or is it really me?
I hate the fact that I feel into the deep hole with someone, but in the end I have to climb out of it myself. I'm not regretting though, cause I know I'll learn from it.
I am not in a state of confusion, nor in the brink of doubts. Sometimes I just need to describe my thoughts into words. No answer needed, no replies necessary. Only now, my thoughts have come crystal clearer. This post has helped me through understanding.
End of story.
Monday, January 09, 2012
January ardor
Hey ho how's your start of week fellas? Mine couldn't get any better ;)
Been (trying) making myself busy to revise every spare time I have, and pause watching Running man for a while now. I need a serious catch up on revisions.
Indo friends here have been discussing plans for our one-week holidays. Exciting fun revenge after exams lol
This month's agenda is surely gonna be busyyyy! :)
Been (trying) making myself busy to revise every spare time I have, and pause watching Running man for a while now. I need a serious catch up on revisions.
Indo friends here have been discussing plans for our one-week holidays. Exciting fun revenge after exams lol
This month's agenda is surely gonna be busyyyy! :)
Thursday, January 05, 2012
Anugerah ( Blessing )
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| Mother's Day |
Current reading:
It's good to be back to school. I have things to make me busy, meeting friends, getting rid of loneliness. Recently I've read tweets from my following which is about #galauproduktif. Basically it's tlaking about those productive things or ideas created during our 'mixed-up' period. Apparently quite a number of tweeps have shared their experience, and I was quite surprised. Majority of them admitted to write short stories during that period and ended up being published in magazine or even received an award! WOW. @MencobaBelajar also tweeted that the energy released during that 'mind hubbub' period is surprisingly significant and therefore is better to be used efficiently. Ever since knowing that I think I'd give it a try next time that state of mind appears again. By dancing or doodling maybe? Well who knows my art talent which is hiding decides to appear. LOL
Monday, January 02, 2012
Hi 2012!
Hows your New Year celebrations, readers? Did you welcome New Year with an open heart? :)
Mine was nothing special except I've got to spend it with sisters and Mom, although it's too bad Dad had to leave early. Oh did I mention mom and dad came over roughly 24 days ago? The main reason was to help us move. What could we do without them!
Anyways before I mention anything else, I'd like to have a moment of self-reflect toward the previous year, 2011.
2011 has overall been...magnificent. It was the year I graduated from high school. One of possibly most important decisions made in my life, pursuing my studies overseas. A year of laughters, happiness, much tears, heartbreak. It was the year I gave love another go, and the same year I gotta let my love go. The year I learn to cherish more of each moment, because nothing lasts forever. The year I live thousands of miles apart from where I call home. The year I was separated by distance with the people I love. I'm astonished by how fast a year can pass yet how many things can change during the time. In the end, I've tried to learn to once again, let go, and move on..and on..and on.
"Don't look back, yet." I tell myself. "Keep yourself busy making things happen, growing up, learn from mistakes, and problems." My biggest wish now is that one day, whenever that is, when I look back, my heart smiles.
2012 here we are. Again, I survived another year. One message to 2012: Surprise me again!
Mine was nothing special except I've got to spend it with sisters and Mom, although it's too bad Dad had to leave early. Oh did I mention mom and dad came over roughly 24 days ago? The main reason was to help us move. What could we do without them!
Anyways before I mention anything else, I'd like to have a moment of self-reflect toward the previous year, 2011.
2011 has overall been...magnificent. It was the year I graduated from high school. One of possibly most important decisions made in my life, pursuing my studies overseas. A year of laughters, happiness, much tears, heartbreak. It was the year I gave love another go, and the same year I gotta let my love go. The year I learn to cherish more of each moment, because nothing lasts forever. The year I live thousands of miles apart from where I call home. The year I was separated by distance with the people I love. I'm astonished by how fast a year can pass yet how many things can change during the time. In the end, I've tried to learn to once again, let go, and move on..and on..and on.
"Don't look back, yet." I tell myself. "Keep yourself busy making things happen, growing up, learn from mistakes, and problems." My biggest wish now is that one day, whenever that is, when I look back, my heart smiles.
2012 here we are. Again, I survived another year. One message to 2012: Surprise me again!
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Treat me right, 2011
Hello again!
Can you believe it's that time of the year already? 2011 will soon come to an end!
How has 2011 treated you? ;)
It has been treating me awesomely good! I'm utterly grateful nothing horrible has happened throughout the year! Can't thank the Buddha enough for the blessings to me and family.
These 345 days I proudly say I have not just grown older, but more mature. Coming here, far away from home is truly an eye-opener. I am able to not cling to the past, instead live in the present, aim for the future.
Some things still need to be fixed, though.
Since I used to live on my own for 4 years, now I have to adapt to living with my sisters.
I didn't know living by my own could change my attitude so much, for real. For those 4 years, I needn't think about the others. I woke up by myself, went home from school by myself, played by myself, ate sometimes by myself, and finally slept by myself. The world revolves around me only.
But it's different now. The world just doesn't revolve around me only anymore.
I woke up with sister by my side. Dinner sometimes with them. Shared stories with them. Slept with a sister.
How does it differ, you ask?
Since I had been living like I am the only child, I became more selfish. It just occurred spontaneously, unexpected. All I had to do was to mind my own business. Buy my own things. Play by my own. But that attitude should not be carried here. Not if I live with my family. True, not?
Apart from that lesson, this year has taught me many many many others. I hope the same goes to you guys too! Have a fabulous closing of the year everyone! Merry early Christmas! Enjoy the festive season of the year :D
Can you believe it's that time of the year already? 2011 will soon come to an end!
How has 2011 treated you? ;)
It has been treating me awesomely good! I'm utterly grateful nothing horrible has happened throughout the year! Can't thank the Buddha enough for the blessings to me and family.
These 345 days I proudly say I have not just grown older, but more mature. Coming here, far away from home is truly an eye-opener. I am able to not cling to the past, instead live in the present, aim for the future.
Some things still need to be fixed, though.
Since I used to live on my own for 4 years, now I have to adapt to living with my sisters.
I didn't know living by my own could change my attitude so much, for real. For those 4 years, I needn't think about the others. I woke up by myself, went home from school by myself, played by myself, ate sometimes by myself, and finally slept by myself. The world revolves around me only.
But it's different now. The world just doesn't revolve around me only anymore.
I woke up with sister by my side. Dinner sometimes with them. Shared stories with them. Slept with a sister.
How does it differ, you ask?
Since I had been living like I am the only child, I became more selfish. It just occurred spontaneously, unexpected. All I had to do was to mind my own business. Buy my own things. Play by my own. But that attitude should not be carried here. Not if I live with my family. True, not?
Apart from that lesson, this year has taught me many many many others. I hope the same goes to you guys too! Have a fabulous closing of the year everyone! Merry early Christmas! Enjoy the festive season of the year :D
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