I d o n o t c a r e

Khaloong Shop dress :)

Until now, this dress is my most favorite online-ordered stuff :)


Today's problem makes me ponder a lot. Gee, what I dreaded most was the thought that people can change in such short time. A friend that you consider is your best friend, may no longer be one. scary huh :/

I feel a bit more relieved now. I've told things that have been bothering me for more than 2 months, and you've heard all of them. Just so you know, if only you yourself would at least try to understand, we wouldn't need to say such words and mean them. Now it's up to you whether you choose to listen or not. Or you would instead create a distance between us. NO SUCH BIG DEAL for me :)

I've also learned that people should watch what they say. Just like Jason Mraz's song lyrics in ' Try Try Try', "words are weapons if you don't use them carefully". Even when you are feeling the worst, you should always consider others' feeling too.

Last but not least, you can always be who you are, but do not always think what you think are 100% right. Because it's quite impossible to be a mirror to yourself; so let others be. And you can never understand a person fully if you choose to be so pig-headed, and not accepting others' thoughts and feelings.




If I've got one chance to time-travel, I will choose to return to the time when I should've been mad at you, instead of being so gentle to your unforgivable fault. Because now I realize, that was the beginning of my mistake; for being so dependent to you.

this ain't gonna happen no more

front: Boom Shop acid washed blazer
back: Castle LaVie pink buttoned blazer


I've been starting to feel unwell these few days. I seem pale every time I have not enough sleep. What makes things worse is my eating habit. I feel like I want to swallow every single tasty food I saw. Or that I regarded every single food as tasty, I don't know. :/ my stomach seems to have been living by its own, apart from my body. I have been losing control of it recently and I hate how stomach can ruin my mood easily :(

I hope everything is fine. I promise myself to be at bed before midnight, and stay away from internet as far as I can :) This habit is seriously gonna affect my whole day's performance and I dread at that thought. *sigh*

I had just managed the list of my outcome for this month and I was astonished myself. How the hell I could spend such amount of money at mostly Online Shops? My attempt to stay away from visiting Sun Plaza so that I wouldn't spend a lot had been in vain I guess. Oh my, Mom and Dad are out there working 24/7 and I am here spending money like the flowing water? I shall think next time, yes THINK Winny.

How come after such period of time, such amount of energy I've lost to make myself forget, I can still feel the pain by merely staring at the picture? :'/

Where I truly belong

I've attended 2 birthday parties in 2 nights in a row. No wonder I spent exactly half a day time sleeping today :X And this night will be sally's, but as I realize I had made a wrong mistake last night, I decided not to attend any party tonight.

I suddenly found myself so unconscious all this time. or is it my brain that worked so slow or that I hadn't used it for so long, I dont know. I was just considering how come I was so heartless all those times. I have always been telling myself to prioritize my family, but my actions seemed to have been the other way round. I knew my dad had always been reminding me of mistake I had done that he spotted, but I seemed to never give a damn on most of them.. and I feel sorry :/

Leaving my grandmother worrying all night was one of my biggest mistakes. Abandoning her advices was another. What made me neglected them was the thought of her being always worry excessively about trivial matters. Since I was merely attending birthday parties of my closest friends', and I could guarantee myself arriving safe and sound at home after the parties, I didn't give a damn on the reasons of her worries. But everything just made sense last night. Her reason of worrying excessively all these times, my parents' anger when I arrived home late at night and me being outrageous by breaking the family rules, and many more. It is simply because they love and care about me. Not that I've never realized that, but all this time I just couldn't accept their way of loving me that makes me feel difficult to breathe.

I've been living here for sixteen years and not once I have ever accepted their way of loving me.
But from now on, I will as possibly savor each moment with my family. I don't want to lose myself indulging too much fun and forget my whole family in just a blink of an eye. I will also try to make sense about everything, and I promise myself, I will seriously make the effort this time.

Wish me the best luck, will you? :)



xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoo

deep crush

I was thinking to share with you readers another part of me. I have a special crush on art, esp fashion and photography.
Sometimes I love to mix and match, but other times I find myself too lazy to spend my energy to search for the clothes in my wardrobe. but yes, I adore fashion.
Photography is what recently I indulge myself in, as I am starting to love to document-ate each special moment whenever possible. :)

so here's some combination of both;



left: boyish vest, MNG Basics, Oliphelle Avenue floral skirt, lolipop neckalce from mom
right:DianaRikasariforBloopEndorse geometric tee, DianaRikasariforBloopEndorse leather pants, Forever21 bangle



Fame Shop necklaces



left: DianaRikasariforBloopEndorse dress, unbranded tights, Diva owl necklace right: Gaudi dress

Anyway, mind my messy hair as I had just washed my hair and didn't blow-dry it ;p
I am kind of not so good in posing but those pics above were my best poses just now LOL
oh yea, I am recently so into fashion bloggers :) and not to be forgotten, those pics above wouldn't have arrived if I hadn't a crush at Online Shops, like I mentioned in the previous post. Although BloopEndorse is not the first online shop I had my order, but it arrived first. I was so excited when I saw the package this evening.



so yes, the T-shirt, dress and pants on the pics above had just received this evening:) I am excitedly waiting for others to arrive soooooon. yipeeee! :D

PEOPLE&THINGS

Today seemed to be a day to discover new people, as I had come across new friends and starting to understand their characteristics.

The most highlight would be on the new student at Sir Harkiman's.
My friends @Sir Harkiman's had just graduated from the 3rd year of senior high, and they're not coming for a lesson @ Sir Harkiman's anymore. They're probably busy planning for their college, or they are just being lazy. :p so Sir Harkiman agreed to accept new students and there came the first one today.
At first I thought she's probably around my age (well actually she is!), and she looked friendly. Well I figured she was a bit nervous when talking ( who don't at the first meeting?), but she was so calm. It has been quite a while since I last saw a very peaceful person like she was. Even when Sir Harkiman attacked her with questions about Christianity (he does it often to Christians), she still looked unoffensive. She had quite a good English too, and she's s m a r t. A few months with Sir Harkiman + hard work are so gonna improve her English. :)

I am thinking.. whether boys and girls can be just friends without having any special feeling towards one another? Because to be honest, I like to make friends with gentle boys. I want to be nice to them, but I just don't want them to have any special feeling towards me, and vice versa. You know, I think if we students can hold this kind of feeling during the serious learning years, and will just have that kind of feeling after graduating, isn't that better? I believe the young generations nowadays will then be (at least) a bit qualified, won't it? sigh, if only I have this kind of strength to hold myself for several years, too :/

anywayy, I have recently have a deep crush with Online Shops♥ seriously I had shopped in like 4 stores and I just can't waiiiiiiiitttt for the items to arrive :D I keep on hoping the item I ordered would be precisely like what the picture had shown. Isn't it one of the weaknesses of shopping online? :\

OH RIGHT, the weather here in Medan ( and probably in all parts of Indonesia) have been inconsistent recently. Some time the air can be so refreshing after drizzling all evening. ( like now) But some other days the air around the whole town was sultry after the scorching sun revealed itself for half a day. This is a worldly problem, for real. Also, not to mention the world's breaking news about the natural disasters in Asia and Europe (sigh this should make us be a lot more grateful). This world is seriously breaking down. =.="


PS, I have been an owl for these few days as I sleep at around one (a.m) and wake up at six thirty (a.m). And my right hand is in pain as I couldn't hold myself of going online every night :( GEE I really crave for more resting timeeeee! O.O

L I F E

You know, sometimes I am just too uncertain about things that I need obvious prove to be certain. But sometimes I just leave myself trying to figure out the answers because I can do nothing to prove it. and the thought of me of not able to do anything, of being so vulnerable, is what I hate the most.

Life's such a mystery. yes, a lot of people agree. The key to reveal the mystery is what I think life is mostly about. If you keep on repeating the same actions over and over everyday, I don't think you deserve this life. Life's absolutely much more than that. You experience things, you feel pain, you feel excited.. you feel alive.

I think there are times when we need to stop going forward and reminisce what we've done, what we've learned. But that doesn't really mean we should stop moving on. When we reminisce, when we feel what we once felt about life, no matter if it was painful or happy.. you also feel alive.

Although what I feel most now is an unbearable pain, this makes me alive too.
because I believe life is also a very tricky game. I may be lost this time, I may be hurt as I fall down, but there will also come the time when I win. After I've overcome the difficulties, after I am able to face the reality, after I am able to control my own self, I will win.

This is just the time when I need to stop and look back, and I did it yesterday. I found how much I had changed for the last two years. how I had turned from a simple young carefree girl into this mature self. I don't think I'm mature enough, but at least, I have progressed much already.
When I read on my past entries, I remembered how I thought and felt about life. It was always about the feeling when you've achieved something that would make me feel alive. but simply looking at my own reflection at the mirror now, I guess those things had faded in me.

so yes, I have come to a conclusion that life doesn't always mean to make you feel happy, and vice versa, life doesn't always mean to make you feel the pain. It's YOU who take control of all the things. On how you regard the obstacles as.

PS, This post may be a bit boring, or long-winded, but I think from reading this post may come the strength to encourage myself. I hope it comes to you too. :)


The path of life is never meant to be smooth. Sometimes, the small pebbles and the huge stones are just there on the crossroads.. to test your capability of turning to the other path, and to make you grow stronger.