A Day To Be Joyful and Learn

Yesterday- 2nd May, 2010

I did great today by making sure to myself that every plan would turn out good. And I'm so glad it came true :b
At first my plan to see a movie was nearly canceled. Since I couldn't stand waiting in the (very) looooong queue at 21cinema with my empty stomach, I decided to return after lunch. Well, I expected the vision of another long queue but then I guess we (me and karvina)were lucky. It was 2.30 p.m and we kind of expecting Iron Man2 back-seat tickets were still available, but then 3 studios' tickets were full (can you imagine?) until 9 pm. We had no other option except IP Man2, and after both of us agreed, we bought 2 tickets of the movie shown at 3.10 p.m in row A. :)

I bought plenty of things yesterday and ate a loott @.@ BUT they brightened up my mood :P

Mom was home yesterday and she bought me a lot of clothes and accessories. ALL of them are Korean style. Geez if I didn't know where she went, I would've thought she was home from Korea (X

I realized I had typed some words yesterday that would no doubt hurt my mother if she read them. I know all this time I keep telling myself I should be patient, I should listen, I should think. I have NEVER wanted my mother to hurt my mother and I love her sooooo much, I mean it. Sometimes I just can't think clearly as my ego seemed to start blocking the whole view of the goods one of her. My craving for permanent freedom, I guess.

Well, one thing I may not truly understand now is how hard to be a mother is. She has to be caring, loving, and patient. She also has to be firm to us every time we make mistakes. She has to be a loving wife, a hardworking career woman, a caring mother, as well as a well-behaved daughter-in-law. To play such massive role in our family may be quite impossible, but I am sure to say, all of US have never doubt my love for her. I know I can never thank you enough after all you've done and will keep on doing for me, for US. ♥

I'm so sorry for hurting youuu :(
I ♥ YOU MOTHER, I REALLY DO.

Be blessed.

OH MY.

I seriously don't know what's going on with today, or what's going on with me. I think I need to flower-bathed now.

First,
Today is the National Education Day. Then our class and several other plus classes' students were asked to attend a ceremony at school today, which of course we protested. Having to wake up in 6 ( although I might be at 7 :p ) on once-in-a-week holiday is too early! who would've not protested?
Then guess what, yes, I WASN'T THERE. I slept at 1 (again!) this morning, and I had reminded myself -no matter what- to wake up early at 6.30. I wanted to prove to myself that even though mom and dad are not around, I can still be discipline. Isn't that always has been one of my attempts to show that I'm a grown-up already? But then, I can't even prove it to myself! BIG SIGH*

Second,
As I didn't want to worsen my Sunday, I prepared myself to attend the Sunday Class earlier. Then guess what? It's on holiday, and I didn't know that! )x

I begin to wonder if those are punishments for me. For sleeping too late, being a procrastinator these 2 weeks. :X
well then, mom is home in no time and I will return to my old habit. No online at night. Revise every night. Not allowed to do any of my passions in weekdays. and SO ON. which I conclude I AM NOT ALLOWED TO BE MYSELF AND DO WHAT I WANT EXCEPT STUDYING AND STUDYING ON WEEKDAYS. Sometimes on weekends I would also be lectured for being so lazy.
MY GAWD, merely thinking of those make me feel nausea. When will my mom actually release me from this what-I-call the cage of torment? :/ The answer is in myself, I know.

I've had several plans ahead for today. I truly wish none of the unexpected things will occur again in the date with my dear later.
Oh Buddha, shall You bless Your devotee for she has been committing wrongdoings lately. Sadhu.. sadhu.. sadhu.

I d o n o t c a r e

Khaloong Shop dress :)

Until now, this dress is my most favorite online-ordered stuff :)


Today's problem makes me ponder a lot. Gee, what I dreaded most was the thought that people can change in such short time. A friend that you consider is your best friend, may no longer be one. scary huh :/

I feel a bit more relieved now. I've told things that have been bothering me for more than 2 months, and you've heard all of them. Just so you know, if only you yourself would at least try to understand, we wouldn't need to say such words and mean them. Now it's up to you whether you choose to listen or not. Or you would instead create a distance between us. NO SUCH BIG DEAL for me :)

I've also learned that people should watch what they say. Just like Jason Mraz's song lyrics in ' Try Try Try', "words are weapons if you don't use them carefully". Even when you are feeling the worst, you should always consider others' feeling too.

Last but not least, you can always be who you are, but do not always think what you think are 100% right. Because it's quite impossible to be a mirror to yourself; so let others be. And you can never understand a person fully if you choose to be so pig-headed, and not accepting others' thoughts and feelings.




If I've got one chance to time-travel, I will choose to return to the time when I should've been mad at you, instead of being so gentle to your unforgivable fault. Because now I realize, that was the beginning of my mistake; for being so dependent to you.

this ain't gonna happen no more

front: Boom Shop acid washed blazer
back: Castle LaVie pink buttoned blazer


I've been starting to feel unwell these few days. I seem pale every time I have not enough sleep. What makes things worse is my eating habit. I feel like I want to swallow every single tasty food I saw. Or that I regarded every single food as tasty, I don't know. :/ my stomach seems to have been living by its own, apart from my body. I have been losing control of it recently and I hate how stomach can ruin my mood easily :(

I hope everything is fine. I promise myself to be at bed before midnight, and stay away from internet as far as I can :) This habit is seriously gonna affect my whole day's performance and I dread at that thought. *sigh*

I had just managed the list of my outcome for this month and I was astonished myself. How the hell I could spend such amount of money at mostly Online Shops? My attempt to stay away from visiting Sun Plaza so that I wouldn't spend a lot had been in vain I guess. Oh my, Mom and Dad are out there working 24/7 and I am here spending money like the flowing water? I shall think next time, yes THINK Winny.

How come after such period of time, such amount of energy I've lost to make myself forget, I can still feel the pain by merely staring at the picture? :'/

Where I truly belong

I've attended 2 birthday parties in 2 nights in a row. No wonder I spent exactly half a day time sleeping today :X And this night will be sally's, but as I realize I had made a wrong mistake last night, I decided not to attend any party tonight.

I suddenly found myself so unconscious all this time. or is it my brain that worked so slow or that I hadn't used it for so long, I dont know. I was just considering how come I was so heartless all those times. I have always been telling myself to prioritize my family, but my actions seemed to have been the other way round. I knew my dad had always been reminding me of mistake I had done that he spotted, but I seemed to never give a damn on most of them.. and I feel sorry :/

Leaving my grandmother worrying all night was one of my biggest mistakes. Abandoning her advices was another. What made me neglected them was the thought of her being always worry excessively about trivial matters. Since I was merely attending birthday parties of my closest friends', and I could guarantee myself arriving safe and sound at home after the parties, I didn't give a damn on the reasons of her worries. But everything just made sense last night. Her reason of worrying excessively all these times, my parents' anger when I arrived home late at night and me being outrageous by breaking the family rules, and many more. It is simply because they love and care about me. Not that I've never realized that, but all this time I just couldn't accept their way of loving me that makes me feel difficult to breathe.

I've been living here for sixteen years and not once I have ever accepted their way of loving me.
But from now on, I will as possibly savor each moment with my family. I don't want to lose myself indulging too much fun and forget my whole family in just a blink of an eye. I will also try to make sense about everything, and I promise myself, I will seriously make the effort this time.

Wish me the best luck, will you? :)



xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoo

deep crush

I was thinking to share with you readers another part of me. I have a special crush on art, esp fashion and photography.
Sometimes I love to mix and match, but other times I find myself too lazy to spend my energy to search for the clothes in my wardrobe. but yes, I adore fashion.
Photography is what recently I indulge myself in, as I am starting to love to document-ate each special moment whenever possible. :)

so here's some combination of both;



left: boyish vest, MNG Basics, Oliphelle Avenue floral skirt, lolipop neckalce from mom
right:DianaRikasariforBloopEndorse geometric tee, DianaRikasariforBloopEndorse leather pants, Forever21 bangle



Fame Shop necklaces



left: DianaRikasariforBloopEndorse dress, unbranded tights, Diva owl necklace right: Gaudi dress

Anyway, mind my messy hair as I had just washed my hair and didn't blow-dry it ;p
I am kind of not so good in posing but those pics above were my best poses just now LOL
oh yea, I am recently so into fashion bloggers :) and not to be forgotten, those pics above wouldn't have arrived if I hadn't a crush at Online Shops, like I mentioned in the previous post. Although BloopEndorse is not the first online shop I had my order, but it arrived first. I was so excited when I saw the package this evening.



so yes, the T-shirt, dress and pants on the pics above had just received this evening:) I am excitedly waiting for others to arrive soooooon. yipeeee! :D